It’s damn hard to adapt to that big change... The biggest challenge I observe: convincing my own mind to put things I know into real change of behaviour.
Here’s the story.
As you may know, I’ve been living happily on my own for years and years. Also: I’ve been together with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. And you might know as well: my routines & my way of life are meticulously planned around what my head can handle after my brain injury.
Every time we are travelling together, my boyfriend brings up the question: when are we moving in together? And every time I feel I want this next step in our relationship. But I also feel a strong resistance.
Apparently, I’m very reluctant to change my carefully compiled manual of life. Because living together means: adapting every aspect. And I WANT it, but DOING it is way harder. I’ve been guarding my rhythm of life like a lioness, so it’s a huge step. This is why we decided to practice the living together situation. We used to see each other for half a weekend. Now we’re building up to full weekends (small steps ☺️).
Evaluation so far? 4 weekends went okay, 2 were tough.
And all along this shift in life, I feel grateful. To see how understanding my boyfriend is. How he embraces my ultra complicated manual and all the consequences that come with my disability. It’s moving to see how he is willing and wanting to deal with all this. How he’s ready to change his way of life too, in order to be together. He’s just so lovingly patient while we are writing a new manual together.
And since he’s a subscriber of this email as well, I add a line just for him: mega mega merci voor alles, liefje!
[cheesy violin playing]
But okay. [stops violin tune] Why did I want to share this?
Because you too will face big changes in life, both personal and professional.
Buying a house, moving abroad, becoming a parent, coming out, hiring a first employee, starting your own business, merging your work with someone else’s, you name it.
And in all these changes, our mind turns out to be the biggest saboteur.
Studies show that we are wired to be reluctant to change. What we are used to, automatically feels safe. Our system wants to protect us from stepping away from what feels safe. While in reality, this self created ‘safe’ space might not be serving us.
And let’s be honest, for some of us, life simply isn’t that straightforward.
We often assume a certain order: study, job, house, kids, grow old.
But sometimes, life throws you off track.
You hit a wall, or everything comes to a stop. And suddenly, the obvious next steps are no longer obvious at all.
After my brain injury, I had to reset completely.
Since then, I’ve been navigating life differently. At a different pace, with different needs, in a different ‘vehicle’, so to speak.
And with that comes a different experience of what’s possible, what’s desirable, and what’s even doable.
Even something as ‘normal’ as living together takes extra time, planning, patience.
The usual timeline? It doesn’t really apply. And that’s okay.
So if you ever feel like you’re not ticking the right boxes at the right time, just know: there’s no single path that makes a life worthwhile.
Some lives unfold differently.