I recently wrapped up an intense trajectory of 4 months with an interesting client. Sitting in the front row and closely watching the steps she took in her creative business was an honor.
When finalising a trajectory, I always ask my clients to fill out a survey about it. Just to be able to learn, adapt & refine my coaching skills.
This client mentioned something that caught my attention - she wrote: you could’ve been somewhat more flexible. I was surprised. I wondered what she meant since I smoothly navigated our meetings around her busy scheme — which
is totally fine by the way — so I openly wanted to understand the feedback.
It turned out she was referring to one word I said. That word was: no.
And I said it when she asked — at the end of the trajectory — if she could continue sending me text messages.
So my answer was a firm no.
And only now I realized that this truly hurt my client.
The no felt like a rejection, it felt to her like I pretended for 4 months long to closely care, but it now turns out this enthusiasm was only for business purposes. It caused her even to doubt the journey we made together: was the involvement a bit fake, she wondered?
I felt shitty when I heard what the effect of my no had been.
In hindsight, I should’ve asked what her intentions were. And I should’ve explained and gotten the expectations right. And I should’ve used a somewhat softer tone — my tone can unintentionally become quite snappy at times, something my boyfriend confirms.
By saying no, I wanted to protect my boundaries as a coach. I wanted to make clear that I wouldn’t continue the intense coaching when the trajectory was over. By saying no, I did not — at all — mean that she couldn’t send me updates and snapshots on how she was doing.
Of course my client understood that well enough. But I had been too firm, snappy, and protective by assuming she meant to continue sending me coach-related messages.
I learned a tough lesson:
Do: ask & explain
Don’t: assume & shut the door
I’ll be way more cautious & clear about that particular step of the trajectory in the future.
Cause really: I deeply, truly care about every one of my clients. I watch their steps and their marvelous work. I cheer their successes with all my heart & soul. I deeply hope that in ten years I will still get messages from all of you when you’re doing your thing in your creative field .
Why do I share this personal story and quite a #fail? I think it’s important to show we’re human, I’m human. With my faults and shortcomings. But in the end, we can learn from our mistakes and come closer to one another.